Sunday October 25th 2020

When The Honeymoon doesn’t end…

Madame K is an international woman of mystery and writer of erotic fiction, who is eternally in search of the perfect mojito and the perfect orgasm, preferably at the same time. She fights for a world in which every woman can embrace their sexuality with honesty, humour, and oodles of enjoyment. This is not a sex health column, this is a sex mental health column.

When the Honeymoon Doesn’t End

Or “why do people think it’s a bad thing that we still want to shag each other all the time?”

“I just don’t get it,” my friend sighs. “At first we thought it was ‘cos you’d just got together. And then we figured maybe it was ‘cos you didn’t see each other that often. But it’s been about a year and a half now and you still can’t keep your hands off each other. What’s up with that?”

Is it a bad thing that after all this time I still want to shag my man every time I see him? Pretty much the very minute I see him? Even if I’ve just seen him an hour ago? That I feel a little tingle every time I catch his eye? That I want to hold his hand, walk like teenagers intertwined, run my fingers down his arm, let them linger in the waistband of his oh so trendy jeans? That we like to kiss, just kiss, for hours, til I’ve got stubble rash, and he’s got a crick in his neck, and neither of us notice or care because, ah, we’re in love? And it feels sooooo good.

Evidently it must be a bad thing, because it makes people Highly Suspicious. The message I keep getting loud and clear is “people in real relationships don’t have time for sex” or “obviously you’re not serious, you can’t possibly be, it’s just a physical thing” and just a little bit of “you should be spending your time on more important things, like tax returns, cocktail parties, and polishing your furniture.” People would have me believe that if I really loved my man, I wouldn’t want to have sex with him.

Now let me clarify something here: we don’t shag all day, every day. We hang out with friends. We both get huge amounts of work done. We do the shopping, all the regular stuff. It’s just that when we’re together, we like to be touching, if at all possible. Just a touch here or there. It’s like life becomes one big session of foreplay. And do you know why? It’s simple.

Because in everything we do, in every choice we make, we’re loving each other. We are making love. Yes, yes, corny, cliché, but, sorry to say, oh so true. The way he wipes the rim of my coffee mug before passing it to me is sexy. The way he traces the outline of my tattoo with his finger in the morning when he thinks I’m still asleep is sexy. The way he gets all hot and bothered playing footie and then wipes his hands on his shirt before taking mine is sexy. But also, the way he worries about me when I’m sick is sexy. The way he always remembers to buy my favourite chocolate for me is sexy. The way he makes sure things get fixed around the house is sexy. Hell, writing about him now is turning me on.

And of course I realise he’s not perfect. That’s just the point, he’s a very human being, and he’s choosing to be with me, and I, for one, think it’s not only fun, but healthy, to connect with the one you love on a physical level AS WELL as the mental and emotional ones. That in fact to dislocate any of those connections from the other would result in a dislocated relationship. That in every situation, every moment, every state, every emotion, there is something our bodies can say that the rest of us can’t. Because every time we’re apart, even for a few hours, there are things I want to say to him, that I feel imperative he needs to understand, and then, when we come back together, when we touch, I know I am just being foolish, that he knows without my telling, that he sees in my eyes and tastes in my breath and holds in his hands every worry and every care and every tear. And that, well, that’s the sexiest thing of all. And THAT is what’s up with that.

6 Comments for “When The Honeymoon doesn’t end…”

  • Miriam says:

    It is never perfect, isn’t it? If you not getting some or want some, your relationship is unhealthy and if you are getting plenty your relationship is not real / mature / etc. Honestly – affection and sex to me are essential elements of a love relationship.Otherwise you might as well call it a friendship. It’s not ‘the deed’ or the orgasm perse but the intimacy around it. I would die if one day my significant other would no longer want to shag my brains out. That happened to me before and I can tell you: it sucks when your person does not want you anymore. The rejection is extremely hurtful.

  • Gina says:

    You describe true love. Thats what I see when I read about your relationship.

    I feel the problem is this: very few people end up glued to a person that they are actually in love with. Many people get what they settle for rather than what they want or need.

    A t’ruelove’ relationship is based on love, respect, friendship, trust and compatibility in my book. If all the factors are there, you laugh. You love. You touch. You shag. You sleep. You play. You smile. You tingle. You cry. Most of all, you don’t take easily to being apart. Those, like you, who find this kind of love are the very fortunate few, and anybody who tries to pick holes in your relationship, probably really f****d up themselves and wound up getting what they settle for. They can’t stand that you both ended up with what you needed and what you wanted.

    Good on you.

    • Beth says:

      Definitely Gina – and I must say that having witnessed the spark between Madame K and her man – it’s a love built to last.

      I agree with you : so many people are not with people they really love.

      • Jimbo says:

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  • Erica says:

    Madame K, this is refreshing and you capture the essence of what a relationship is all about. It is not the act so much that makes it exciting, but the little things like you say “wipe the rim of your mug” and special things that say “I love you”, “You’re on my mind” that makes a relationship.
    You are in this relationship for all the right reasons. Other settle for the fear of being alone. Keep writing and sharing this. I’m sure it has opened a lot of eyes to the reality of their relationships.
    You prove that romance, love and sharing is alive and well.


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