Friday October 30th 2020

Women abuse : indicting the caveman

Journalist Erica Southey tells it like it is for thousands of women worldwide.

Sipping my cappuccino, I listen to one of my friends lament about the verbal shortcomings of their significant other.  I take another sip and relish the sweet taste of my single status, while cringing inside for my friend but also rejoicing that I don’t have to endure verbal abuse or the Caveman mentality anymore.

From the bedroom to the boardroom, the caveman (it appears) hasn’t realised or simply won’t accept; that things have changed since 19 voertsek (the year dot).  Our female pioneers sacrificed and endured a lot to get some of us freedom. Our ‘sisters’ in mainly Middle Eastern countries still suffer injustices, merely for being born female.

Cavemen still thinks it is okay to belittle their women by beating them into submission.  One can only switch on the TV, radio, watch documentaries or flip through pages of printed media to see that women abuse is still rife.  From South Africa to Timor-Leste, men still seem to send the message that violence or de-humanising their women is okay.  It was saddening to read that women of Timor-Leste see domestic violence “as an acceptable part of married life.”  In a society that is supposedly advanced, Caveman still reigns.  Can someone invent the ‘Caveman Upgrade Remote’ that beams Cavemen up to have him re-wired and sent back as Good Man?  Nice to dream ………

Despite laws, a National Woman’s Day and various campaigns to send the message that violence towards women and children is unacceptable – the brotherhood in some cases will stick together to make out that the woman “deserved her punishment.”

Imagine being told: “you had your weekly hiding – now go and do the dishes”.  The ex husband maliciously told me once, that is – how he treated his ex-wife.  Girlfriends, sisters, mothers, daughters: listen to the advice and warnings of family and friends to ditch Mr Too-Perfect-For-You.  I didn’t listen. For nine years I suffered verbal abuse that would put even the most hardened sailor to shame, spiced up with the occasional slap and punch.  It took one klap (smack) and a warning of “do it again” from me to deter Caveman, who was ever so sorry after every bad episode vowing he would “never do it again”.  If you are in an abusive situation and reading this – in 99.9% of the cases – HE WILL DO IT AGAIN! Get out and run as fast as you can to the nearest Women’s Shelter.

Recently reported on my local radio station – a woman attempted suicide after being beaten by her boyfriend’s family, because she asked for maintenance money.  She tried poisoning her two daughters and herself to put an end to their suffering.  The attempt didn’t succeed and now she faces murder charges after her 18 month old baby died. A situation must be hopeless when a woman sees suicide as the only way out, thinking she cannot even turn to the law for help.

Another evil is the Cave-boss or Cave-colleague who abuses his power to subjugate female colleagues by browbeating them. Imagine if she sits between a rock and a hard place, going from domestic abuse to Cave-boss! Her situation becomes hopeless when she is very dependent on her salary, because Caveman needs her salary.  It isn’t so easy to just up and leave for, considering job scarcity or not having the necessary qualification, there isn’t much choice out there.

Cave-boss has a glib tongue and promises a lot of things – as long as a woman doesn’t show she has a brain.  He’ll use and abuse his female colleagues in order to look good, but will never allow for them to get promoted to another department.

You know the saying: “Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the woman who knows what’s going on?”

For some there is the opposite of this scenario – Good Men who appreciate and love their women.  Good Man is annoyed when they are tarred with the same brush as “they are all the same” and I have heard my Good Man friends lament “NO Erica, the good guy ALWAYS finishes LAST”.

Women are turning to violence to deal with Caveman, but two wrongs don’t make a right. What then, does?

One Comment for “Women abuse : indicting the caveman”

  • These kind of happenings are a shame on society if happens even in 21st century. Women must not bear such nonsense and raise their voice against it. says:

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