Saturday October 1st 2022

Where's your most erotic muscle?

Sex starts in the head

I met (via email)Chantal Edouard-Betsy, founder of The Bedroom (  while researching an article on sex for a women’s magazine around a year ago.

Wise, witty and empowered (yes, for real), she’s making great strides in getting women to OWN their sexuality – instead of shying away from it. I’ll be posting the article in which I interviewed Chantal, but meanwhile, here’s one of her blogs – all of which you can find at

Good reading!


At The Bedroom, one of the most frequently asked questions is, “What can I do as a woman to increase my libido?” The reality is that there is NO PILL…But the flipside is that you have total control over your most important erotic muscle…your mind…and if you exercise it, you might just find that your mojo increases ten fold!
Apart from employing other bedroom related tricks to keep the spark alive, such as using a toy, lube, playing bedroom games, wearing sexy lingerie etc, FANTASISE!!!  Letting yourself fantasise throughout the day about sexy scenes and sensual acts builds your anticipation and creativity. This is a sure fire way to make sex that much more satisfying when you finally get to indulge, whether you have a lovemaking session with a partner or a solo session with the star of your fantasies! And it is totally safe…you are not hurting anyone, nor are you being unfaithful.
If the subject matter of your fantasies makes you feel uncomfortable, remember that thinking something and acting on it really are worlds apart. The great thing about fantasies is that you are free to think, be and feel anything you like, because there are no consequences. Remember: you’re the director of this movie!But many of us tend too feel shy about having sexual fantasies, or even guilty. Some people complain that they ‘have no imagination’, but in fact that’s not true. If you’ve ever thought about what you’d like for lunch or pictured a dream holiday destination, then you’ve used your imagination. Similarly, if you’ve ever looked forward to sex, or wondered what a favourite film star looked like naked, then you’ve had a sexual fantasy. So if you are a fantasising virgin, here is some practical advice: Take some time to think about what really turns you on sexually. Don’t stop at physical attributes; think about settings too (beach, fireplace etc), think about previous sexual encounters and what aspects made them special. Incorporate those elements into your fantasies and expand on them or make them more exaggerated or vivid. Tap into other people’s fantasies and select what appeals to you. The most common female fantasies include: having sex with an existing partner, giving and receiving oral sex, having sex with a new partner, romantic or exotic locations, doing something forbidden, being submissive, reliving a previous experience, being found irresistible, trying new sexual positions.You could also try erotic books, magazines, art and movies for inspiration. And the of course, practise your newly developed fantasy techniques when you’re sexually intimate with your partner by merging the real lovemaking with the fantasy!