Thursday October 6th 2022

How Browsers are like Men

by Karen Jeynes

Anyone following me on Twitter over the last few weeks will have witnessed my overly emotional, at times frankly embarrassing, updates on my ongoing quest to find a browser that works for me. The relationship we have with our browser is an important one: they are literally the window through which we view our cyberworld, and the invisible partner. Well: invisible until they start screwing it up.

Internet Explorer: The High School Jock
Internet Explorer is the browser for those who don’t care. It’s slow, annoying, and has such a great marketing machine with it – comes loaded standard with so many computers – that it somehow keeps on existing despite any supporting logic. As someone remarked on Twitter “I hear the new IE downloads Firefox in just six seconds.” I deleted Internet Explorer off my computer and never looked back.

Mozilla Firefox: The Boy Next Door
You think you’re onto a winner with Firefox. And for as long as they WERE the boy next door, with the ever so slight underdogness, they were always a pleasant surprise. Firefox is user friendly, has some pretty awesome plugins, and pioneered many of the features we know and love today like tabbed browsing. However it seems to have let its recent popularity get to its head, and is now slower to start up than a crankhandle car. I doubleclick the browser icon, go make my coffee, and by the time I get back it may or may not have joined the party. NObody likes a guy who keeps a girl waiting. Also, Firefox has clearly decided to take Adobe on in the “most frequently in need of updates” category, and seems to ask on every single startup whether I wouldn’t perhaps like an upgrade. This falls into the “shut up already and let’s get down to action” category.

Google Chrome: The Boy with the Fatal Flaw
I love Google Chrome. Passionately. It’s fast, agile, on at a click of a button, looks good. But just when you think it’s safe to trust, the damn Shockwave player crashes. Again. And again. And so I abandon Chrome, hurt. But every now and then I check back, just in case, because when it is good, it is oh so very good. I live in hope that one day, Chrome will return to me, all repentant.

Opera: The GBF
The one you can always rely on. The one that will turn up when you need it, and get the job done. The emergency wedding date of browsers, Opera isn’t flashy, they don’t have all the tricks, but they have yet to let me down.

So what’s a girl to do? On busy days, I start Firefox up before my morning coffees, and try to ignore it’s occasional whines. I can tolerate a lot for the sake of efficiency. When I just need to check something quickly, or feel like a little late night chuckle, I fire up my Opera. But every now and again, when I’m feeling lucky, I give Chrome another chance…because I’m a believer.

One Comment for “How Browsers are like Men”

  • me says:

    Interesting look on things…. and definitely your look on ie. But they just updated it to a more chrome feel recently so things can change.

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